Imagine Neighborhood is a podcast for kids that has been developed to help kids learn about social and emotional skills. It aligns with the Second Step curriculum that is used in some of the AHSD25 elementary schools.
Learn more and listen here: www.imagineneighborhood.org/podcast-1/
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If parenting during shelter-in-place feels challenging and isolating, you only have to scroll through a few social media memes to realize that you are not alone. Preschool aged children have intense feelings, no matter the setting. Throw in some stressed out parents, new routines, uncertainty, and a global pandemic and you have a recipe for disaster. So, how can you help the little ones in your life sort through all these feelings (and maybe help yourself in the meantime too)? Talk about those feelings! ALL THE FEELINGS! Here is a link to a feelings chart that you can print and use at home. It has a lot of feelings. Feelings can be nuanced. According to Yale's RULER approach, emotions range in pleasantness and intensity levels. Understanding that can actually make taming them a little bit more manageable. It can also help young children appreciate the wide spectrum of emotions even if they are not yet developmentally ready to name them all. But too many options can be overwhelming for some people. If you're going to use a feelings chart at home, do so in a way that is going to be truly useful for your kids. With my 2 and 4 year old, this meant cutting out pictures and arranging them in a way that made more sense to us (we used the RULER approach and arranged them by "energy level" and "pleasantness"). We pick out how we are feeling based on the picture we most relate to and then talk about the different ways to label that feeling. We talk about whether or not we like the way we are feeling. If we don't like it, we talk about things we can do to change how we are feeling. Which brings me to the next challenge: calming strong feelings. Here is a social story you can use to begin talking about ways to calm strong feelings. Another useful approach is to come up with strategies that can be easily used to calm strong feelings in the moment (like this generic one). My 4-year-old helped me brainstorm a more personalized calming strategy menu for our house last week because we needed it (please excuse the art, time was of the essence)! Personalized menus or choice boards can come in handy for everyone - especially when they are practiced proactively ahead of time. We earned "stars" for each calming strategy we did (grown ups too! Modeling is so important and, honestly, we all benefitted). At the end of the day, the person with the most stars won! The prize? Picking the song we danced to before bed. Practicing strategies when we are calm makes it easier to remember to use these strategies when we are not calm. If we talk about how we feel both before and after we use the strategies, we become aware of which strategies are most helpful. Plus, when parents are stressed, it's way easier to grab a pre-made list of ways to help your kid calm down then try and come up with a creative list off the top of your head.
The menu we made probably won't last that long. Hopefully we will back into a better routine and we won't need to practice it daily anymore. Or, more likely, we will need to make a new one to spice things up or as the weather gets nicer (please-oh-please let the weather get nicer!). We might find that we need a totally different type of choice board - perhaps a problem solving board for when two kids want the same toy. We might need something different each week. And that's okay. The creation of each menu or choice board is a collaborative effort and invites everyone to think of solutions. Even young children can feel empowered when they are genuinely asked to help solve big problems. And each new board is a chance to talk about feelings and ways to regulate those feelings and that's a win for everyone. Well, for three minutes at least. Toddlers and preschoolers are famous for tantrums and meltdowns. There are memes, hashtags, and even late-night segments dedicated to laughing about these moments. And, as parents and guardians, sometimes we have find humor in these intense moments to stay sane. But we also need to remember that when little people have big feelings, they are no less real or valid than our grown-up big feelings.
Young children do not have the life experience to differentiate a "small problem" from a "big problem." Not being able to go to the park or have ice cream can feel truly devastating. When adults try to minimize these feelings or brush them off ("don't cry," or "that's silly,") children are getting the message that their feelings don't matter. And that can be a heart-breaking and isolating message. So, what do you do when your child flails about on the ground because they wanted the blue bowl for breakfast ("no, not that blue bowl!")?
We've been talking about "the group plan" at school recently. The term "the group plan" is taken from Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking Curriculum. You can learn more about that program here: www.socialthinking.com/
A group is made up of 2 or more people. When you have a conversation with a friend, you are in a group. When you are listening to a story in the classroom, you are with a group. When you are marching in a parade, you are with a group. The group plan is whatever plan the group is following. So if two friends are talking about their favorite snack, the group plan is to talk about food. If the class is listening to a story... you get the idea. When we follow the group plan, it makes things easier for everyone in the group. When we don't follow the group plan, it can make people confused or uncomfortable. If my friend is talking about goldfish crackers and I start listing facts about volcanoes, my friend will be confused and think I'm not listening. If my class is reading a story and I stand up to go play with dinosaurs (my own plan), the rest of the class will be confused and the learning will stop while the teacher works to bring me back to the group plan. At home, you can use the group plan to help your child stop and notice clues. "Look at what I am doing - what is the group plan?" The answer might be sitting down to dinner, cleaning up toys, getting socks and shoes on to get out the door, etc. "I know you want to play but right now we need to follow the group plan. The group plan is to get ready to go!" Sometimes we all need reminders to follow the group plan! As kids get older, it can be helpful to remind them that we follow group plans when they are safe and expected. We don't want kids to confuse the group plan with negative peer pressure. Academics are an important part of building a successful life and career but there is a crucial foundation lying below the ABCs. Social and emotional skills (like understanding feelings and how to manage them, understanding other's feelings and points of view, solving problems with others, persevering even when tasks become difficult, etc) allow kids to learn and work with others. Without these skills, we can't sit still to focus on school, we can't work in groups with others, we can't get over mistakes to try again - we can't learn! Without this important foundation, all the academic support in the world is just resting on an uneven and rocky surface.
In this article, Katie Hurley, therapist and parenting expert, shares 10 Strategies to Help Your Anxious Child in the Moment. Not only are these strategies tried and true, they were recommended by kids! The very best kind of recommendation.
Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Regulation. Books are an incredible way to teach lessons and spark conversations and ideas with little ones. Because books can be so impactful there is even a term - bibliotherapy - for using them as a way to help spark growth and change in a therapeutic setting. It can be hard to find books that you want to spend precious minutes on (or that you would be willing to read over and over and over again!). Below are some picture books that I like and why I like them for young kids (all of these books are available at the AHML library):
In this article, Rick Hanson and Forest Hanson share lots of information about resiliency - where it comes from and how to cultivate it...
"Though it’s not a quick fix, you can change your brain for the better by working it the same way you would work a muscle. As you become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges, you move toward greater well-being and away from stress, worry, frustration, and hurt." Tags: Emotional Regulation, Emotional Intelligene, Parenting Play is vital to the development of language, problem solving, social skills, emotional regulation, and executive functioning. The benefits of play are many but the time that many children spend engrossed in play is dwindling. In fact, play is so vital to healthy child development that some pediatricians have started writing prescriptions for play!
You can read more about the benefits of play here: www.npr.org/sections/ed/2018/08/31/642567651/5-proven-benefits-of-play?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20180831 Anxiety is a normal part of life; we all feel anxious from time to time. It is an uncomfortable feeling, for kids and grown ups alike. When extreme, anxiety can be overwhelming.
Intense anxiety can lead to racing thoughts, shortened breath, accelerated heart rate, and feelings of panic or despair. Lecturing oneself or others, saying that there “is no reason to be anxious,” or to simply “stop being anxious” does not help. Anxiety is rarely logical so trying to argue with it does not always work. We can’t make anxious feelings simply go away but we can learn how to manage them better so we feel more in control. The ability to regulate one’s emotions is developmental and it takes a lot of practice. Kids and grown ups alike can benefit from consistent practice in calming strong feelings like anxiety. When we are calm, we are better listeners, better problem solvers, and we are generally happier. Modeling calming strategies when you feel nervous or worried, or when a small problem arises, can help your child internalize these strategies for their own use. Practicing when your child feels calm and relaxed is important too. Play charades where everyone acts out a different coping strategy and the “audience” has to guess which one you used. Show a character in a book or in a movie how to calm down when worried or anxious too. Slow deep breaths: Breath in through your nose for 3-4 counts, hold the breath for 1-2 counts, and then let the air out slowly through your mouth for 3-4 counts. Do this at least 3 times or as many times as you need. You can imagine you are smelling a lovely rose or delicious soup and then blowing carefully on hot soup to cool it down. Slow deep breaths calm our heart and brain and help relax our muscles. This in turn helps relax our worried thoughts. It’s much harder for your brain to be anxious when your body is relaxed. Distracting your brain You can do this by engaging in a fun or distracting activity like dancing or doing a puzzle so your brain doesn’t have enough room to keep thinking about your worried thoughts. Size of the problem Problems can be BIG, medium, or little. Our reaction size should match the problem size. Sometimes it helps to list out different problems because it makes it easier to compare our current problem. BIG problems require assistance to solve and may take several weeks or longer to resolve (ex: tornado, fire, broken leg, etc.) Medium problems sometimes require help and can usually be resolved in a few days or have little long term impact (ex: flu, argument with a friend, etc.) Little problems can usually be solved on our own and don’t impact us for more than a couple of hours or a day (ex: broken pencil, no dessert, didn’t get to be first in line, had to wait to play with a toy, etc.). Talking Talking to others can sometimes help us feel less worried. They can remind us to use our strategies or help us get through something that feels like a big problem. Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Regulation |
AuthorMiss Nicole is the Social Worker for the Early Childhood Program in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Categories
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