Empathy can be an abstract term, especially for young children. Even as adults we often confuse sympathy (feeling sorry for someone and their situation) with empathy (feeling or understanding the way someone else feels). The old saying “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” refers to empathy and it is a crucial skill.
Empathy makes us better in all of our relationships - with parents, children, brothers, sisters, friends, cousins, classmates, co-workers, and even our spouse. Empathy motivates us to truly understand how others feel which makes us better listeners and better problem solvers. Instead of jumping into an argument, we can think about the other person’s point of view and have a thoughtful discussion. Empathy motivates our compassion which, in the end, can truly make the world a better place, one person at a time. So how can be reinforce this potentially world-changing skill in young children? There are plenty of things you can do everyday:
Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Social Skills
0 Comments
Emotional Intelligence (or “EQ”) includes the ability to express your feelings and identity the feelings of others. In some studies, low EQ has been correlated with multiple problems later in life, including depression.
Individuals with high emotional intelligence are able to distinguish between and label feelings of disappointment (field trip was cancelled) and betrayal (best friend told your secret) instead of just labeling both feelings simply as “mad.” These individuals know that feelings can have varying levels of intensity (okay vs. happy vs. excited) and can have many layers (feeling disappointed you didn’t make the spelling bee but relieved you don't have to stand in front of the whole school). They also remember that all feelings are okay and valid. Ignoring feelings doesn’t make them go away. Feelings can be confusing and overwhelming. Strong feelings can fill up our whole bodies all the way to the top of our brains, leaving little room for thinking, reflecting, or problem solving. It’s important to stop and gather clues about what is happening when we are overwhelmed by a strong feeling. We can check for body clues - Is my heart beating fast? Does my tummy feel funny? We can think of environmental clues to - What just happened? What thoughts am I thinking right now? Emotional intelligence is flexible and can be taught and improved. There are lots of ways you can help your children build up their emotional intelligence at home: 1) Don’t settle for words like “happy,” “mad,” or “sad.” Use words like annoyed, disappointed, excited, overjoyed, delighted, jealous, etc. Use these words in front of your children as you talk about your own feelings. Use them to describe the characters in stories or movies that you are enjoying together. 2) Ask your children how they are feeling throughout the day to bring awareness to the fact that feelings can change quickly and frequently. If your child is feeling down, ask them for details and work together to think of a way to feel better. 3) Make up some feelings games. Play “feelings charades” in the living room or even in the car - try to guess based on facial expressions, body language and even tone of voice how someone else is pretending to feel. Tags: Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Regulation It can be much easier and quicker to solve problems for our children: zipping up coats, choosing their clothes and even solving sibling disputes.
However, solving problems for our children instead of letting them navigate problems on their own robs them of the opportunity to overcome frustration, brainstorm solutions, and be filled with the pride that comes from solving a problem on their own. Be nearby to offer support and guidance by summarizing and asking questions. “Looks like you feel angry that your brother has your toy. What can you tell him? How do you feel? How can you solve this problem?” It can be very time consuming in the beginning but imagine your children no longer needing a referee to solve every problem! The confidence they build from knowing they can solve their own problems can build self-esteem too. Tags: Independence, Self-Regulation, Self-Esteem Research has shown self-regulation to be a better predictor of children’s school achievement than IQ scores, early literacy or early numeracy skills (Blair & Razz, 2007; Bodrova & Leong, 2008).
Self-regulation is comprised of two parts: 1) inhibitory control which is the ability to stop oneself from doing something (like hitting your sister or eating a cookies) and 2) the ability to do something even when one does not feel like doing it (like cleaning up toys or brushing your teeth). Self-regulation is a skill and like all skills, it can be practiced and developed. At home children can practice deliberate and purposeful behaviors such as switching activities and following directions. Practice with games like Simon Says or Follow the Leader and switch the rules or the leader halfway through. Have your child leave the room and move a few objects around. When they come back, have them tell you what changed. This helps them practice focusing and monitoring skills. Children need to practice following rules and talking about how those rules change across a variety of settings (like burping in a fancy restaurant vs. a burping contest with a friend). Children need to practice following three different types of rules: 1) Following rules set by someone else 2) Setting and monitoring their own rules with others (ex: during a board game or making up a game at the park) 3) Applying rules to themselves without being monitored (ex: finishing a chore before playing) Offer reminders about self-regulation. You can use a visual schedule or checklist for morning or bed time routine or have your child wear a “Super Rule Follower” cape during games that are particularly challenging or frustrating for them. Play! Play! Play! Young children learn best through play and exploration. They learn to share, negotiate, compromise, problem solve, tell stories, communicate, how to think about others’ perspectives and more. Make sure your child has the opportunity to explore toys, puzzles, books, dress up outfits, and even cardboard boxes! Give them opportunities to play and interact with other children whenever possible. |
AuthorMiss Nicole is the Social Worker for the Early Childhood Program in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Categories
All
Archives
May 2020
|